He Said/She Said :Thoughts on Love and Being a Newly Married Couple

by Christian and Claire Pascual for PowerUp

HE SAID…

It’s almost Valentines and it will be special – it’ll be our first one as man and wife. I’m thinking of making it fancy. But not too fancy. Alas, taking the notch too high makes it more difficult to top next year.

Should I bring her flowers? Maybe. The last ones I gave her, not counting the wedding, were for her birthday last year. Chocolates? We have tons of them, since I developed a sweet tooth. Jewelry? Another Tiffany? I’m broke.

Alas, these are not the romantic musings of a man still courting his girlfriend/fiancée – these are reality-based considerations of a married man who, together with other married men, is discussing with them how they each plan to celebrate this romance-filled time of the year. True enough, the counsel of a wise pastor-friend says that the courtship does not end with the marriage. “A happy wife makes for a happy life,” he said. “Celebrate the monthsary.” I’m heeding these advices.

I can say that I’m truly blessed with our courtship, engagement and wedding story. People who’ve read our story may think we’ve got the marriage made. Not exactly. The road to Now was not easy. It took a tremendous amount of mountain-moving faith, and a fair amount of rock-pushing hard work.

Nowadays, people’s minds are awash with media’s perception of Love. But that’s a different topic entirely. It’s easy to be swept away with the dreamy, diluted and preconceived ideas of love and how it tickles one’s fancy. I’ve seen too many movies and heard too many songs describing how love is like. Marriage is often put in a bad light and is often even blamed for spoiling relationships.

Taking Life as a teacher, I’ve learned that Love is not merely warm, mushy feelings, as it has been commonly relegated. Love is a decision.

And there is no better description of it than the one we find in the Love chapter – 1 Corinthians 13. What does it say? Love decides that I be patient. Love decides that I be kind. I decide not to be jealous. I decide not to be boastful. I decide not to be demanding. I decide not to be unjust. I decide to keep enduring. I decide not to give up. I decide to hope. And that is because I love.

And that is Love.

Now, barely a few months after proudly updating my Facebook status, I am faced with the often-asked but barely-satisfactorily answered question: “How did I know that she’s the one?”

So how did I know that she’s the one? I decided by the Faith that I had.

Was I correct with my decision? I believe that God gave me the best. And I will keep working to make this marriage the best that God wants it to be for me. How? By God’s grace, I will continue to try and be the best husband, friend, lover, leader and servant that I can be for my wife.

In short, Love is not what we have always thought it to be. Love is never easy. It is hard and very costly, so costly that it took the life of the Father’s only begotten Son to reconcile His beloved to Himself.

Claire, I love you. I thank God for you. Happy Valentine’s Day, Love.

____

SHE SAID…

Our present home was the sole witness to Christian’s grand proposal – it was part of his promise, to love me forever and to build a family with me. The whole kneeling-down-on-one-knee sequence happened right where a sofa now holds guests when they come over to our small condominium unit somewhere in Kapitolyo, Pasig.

After the wedding ended and the festivity quieted down, we knew that our life was now changed forever. We had left our parent’s house and now it was just us- two personalities, two sets of habits, with two different lifestyles. Not to mention moving away from our respective comfort zones. Cleaning, cooking, and paying the bills. We now had no one to turn to but each other.

I, for one, had never cooked a single meal in my entire life. But I do now. Christian, on the other hand, well, let’s just say that if my mother-in-law could just see him clean the house the way he does now, it would bring tears to her eyes.

It’s tough doing chores, especially when you’re practically exhausted from your day’s work and the bed is calling out to you. But its not about just me or him anymore. Love is never without sacrifice.

We knew all these had to be taken in stride. We have talked to pastor friends (and ninongs and ninangs) and we realized that being on our own is a blessing. It is a process of molding, shaping and preparing us for a bigger family.

We know people have our backs too. Our home was lovingly prepared for us by our parents before we moved in. We have friends at ICS whom we can turn to for advice. And most recently, we have started marriage counseling sessions with two other young couples during the weekends. It was refreshing, to talk with Christian people who are experiencing the very same things we are, and going through them with the guidance of God’s Word.

I know this is just the start. I am excited for what is to come. The wedding has been a blessing. Our marriage, for sure, will be pretty amazing.