He Said/She Said :Thoughts on Love and Being a Newly Married Couple

by Christian and Claire Pascual for PowerUp

HE SAID…

It’s almost Valentines and it will be special – it’ll be our first one as man and wife. I’m thinking of making it fancy. But not too fancy. Alas, taking the notch too high makes it more difficult to top next year.

Should I bring her flowers? Maybe. The last ones I gave her, not counting the wedding, were for her birthday last year. Chocolates? We have tons of them, since I developed a sweet tooth. Jewelry? Another Tiffany? I’m broke.

Alas, these are not the romantic musings of a man still courting his girlfriend/fiancée – these are reality-based considerations of a married man who, together with other married men, is discussing with them how they each plan to celebrate this romance-filled time of the year. True enough, the counsel of a wise pastor-friend says that the courtship does not end with the marriage. “A happy wife makes for a happy life,” he said. “Celebrate the monthsary.” I’m heeding these advices.

I can say that I’m truly blessed with our courtship, engagement and wedding story. People who’ve read our story may think we’ve got the marriage made. Not exactly. The road to Now was not easy. It took a tremendous amount of mountain-moving faith, and a fair amount of rock-pushing hard work.

Nowadays, people’s minds are awash with media’s perception of Love. But that’s a different topic entirely. It’s easy to be swept away with the dreamy, diluted and preconceived ideas of love and how it tickles one’s fancy. I’ve seen too many movies and heard too many songs describing how love is like. Marriage is often put in a bad light and is often even blamed for spoiling relationships.

Taking Life as a teacher, I’ve learned that Love is not merely warm, mushy feelings, as it has been commonly relegated. Love is a decision.

And there is no better description of it than the one we find in the Love chapter – 1 Corinthians 13. What does it say? Love decides that I be patient. Love decides that I be kind. I decide not to be jealous. I decide not to be boastful. I decide not to be demanding. I decide not to be unjust. I decide to keep enduring. I decide not to give up. I decide to hope. And that is because I love.

And that is Love.

Now, barely a few months after proudly updating my Facebook status, I am faced with the often-asked but barely-satisfactorily answered question: “How did I know that she’s the one?”

So how did I know that she’s the one? I decided by the Faith that I had.

Was I correct with my decision? I believe that God gave me the best. And I will keep working to make this marriage the best that God wants it to be for me. How? By God’s grace, I will continue to try and be the best husband, friend, lover, leader and servant that I can be for my wife.

In short, Love is not what we have always thought it to be. Love is never easy. It is hard and very costly, so costly that it took the life of the Father’s only begotten Son to reconcile His beloved to Himself.

Claire, I love you. I thank God for you. Happy Valentine’s Day, Love.

____

SHE SAID…

Our present home was the sole witness to Christian’s grand proposal – it was part of his promise, to love me forever and to build a family with me. The whole kneeling-down-on-one-knee sequence happened right where a sofa now holds guests when they come over to our small condominium unit somewhere in Kapitolyo, Pasig.

After the wedding ended and the festivity quieted down, we knew that our life was now changed forever. We had left our parent’s house and now it was just us- two personalities, two sets of habits, with two different lifestyles. Not to mention moving away from our respective comfort zones. Cleaning, cooking, and paying the bills. We now had no one to turn to but each other.

I, for one, had never cooked a single meal in my entire life. But I do now. Christian, on the other hand, well, let’s just say that if my mother-in-law could just see him clean the house the way he does now, it would bring tears to her eyes.

It’s tough doing chores, especially when you’re practically exhausted from your day’s work and the bed is calling out to you. But its not about just me or him anymore. Love is never without sacrifice.

We knew all these had to be taken in stride. We have talked to pastor friends (and ninongs and ninangs) and we realized that being on our own is a blessing. It is a process of molding, shaping and preparing us for a bigger family.

We know people have our backs too. Our home was lovingly prepared for us by our parents before we moved in. We have friends at ICS whom we can turn to for advice. And most recently, we have started marriage counseling sessions with two other young couples during the weekends. It was refreshing, to talk with Christian people who are experiencing the very same things we are, and going through them with the guidance of God’s Word.

I know this is just the start. I am excited for what is to come. The wedding has been a blessing. Our marriage, for sure, will be pretty amazing.

Without a Sigh

written by Claire Celiz

September 17, 2009

This last 2 months of wedding preparations has thrown us in total chaos. It started with the drafting of the invitations, and went downhill from there. Our closest friends have felt the pressure. Nio even said we looked so haggard we had to take some time off it. Of course its a bit too hard, because with my three day duties and the hospital work, I was barely staying afloat.

At times I lose my temper. Well, I guess its more often. Sometimes I wake up in the morning feeling weary like I havnt slept at all. And as expected, it took its toll on Christian. And if you know him, you would say that his patience can stretch for miles. But with his hard earned money fast draining, not to mention all those chores I keep on throwing at him, these days its already wearing thin. 

These days, there are times when I think, why is it too hard, preparing for the wedding? I drag myself on day after day, painfully doing one checklist item at a time on our to do list. I think, if this is hard, what would our marriage life be then?

But today Christian told me the story of our ring. Our engagement ring.

We had plans for marriage at the beginning of our relationship. We always talked about it, estimating that it will happen before our second year anniversary. So when Christian left for the States last year, we knew it was God's way of preparing us, emotionally and finally, but it is only now that I realize that God has once again proven Himself to have plans even far greater that our own. 

He told me I always wanted a Tiffany & Co. engagement ring. Honestly, I dont remember really pushing for it. But before Christian left for the States, he was already asking T&Co. Stores at Rustan's for engagement rings. When he got the price quotations, his heart sank. He couldn't afford it. 

On his first month in Atlanta, he felt that God placed him there as an opprtunity to finally buy a ring for me. He called the T&Co. Store in Atlanta, got some qoutations and finally decided on one. The diamond was of high quality, colorless and the cut excellent. He would tell me several time that he had looked into other jewelry stores and the ring was worth a one carat diamond in their stock. I would ask him repeatedly why did he still buy it. He would only tell me, “that is what you wanted”.

It was only tonight that he showed me the ring's insurance papers and its true value. I again asked him, why did you still buy it. This time his answer was different. He told me that God had provided for it in Atlanta. That if he was to buy one of smaller value, it is as if minamaliit namin ang kakayahan ng Diyos. He has asked for it, and God had answered yes. Up to this day he would consider the ring a miracle, something that is way beyond his means. He took it as a firm affirmation of God's favor in our relationship. He told me there are times that we would fight when he was still abroad and he would be left broken, but he would look at the ring and be reminded that God brought us together, and if God can give such a ring, He would do more wondrous things in our lives. He told me, that more that its value, the ring symbolizes all that God is in our lives. Tonight I am reminded again the true reason I am to be married.

When I look at the ring now, I am struck by awe at God's ways. It is a palpable wave of gratitude to the One who brought Christian and me together at this point with its little miracles. I praise God for such a God fearing man, and pray that the rest of the months I will be able to prepare myself to be a wife that is pleasing in His sight.

A Viajero's Nightmare

Aug 26, 2009 - I sent a letter to Zestair's "corporate" email: z2_zestair@yahoo.com

Dear Meg Obejas:

I’d like to raise a concern regarding some information about your online booking as advised by Christine Boras during my inquiries on your customer hotlines.

I’m about to get married on Nov 6 and will flying to Boracay for our honeymoon the following day, Nov 7. During the time of booking, I was aware of the advisory regarding diverted flights from Caticlan to Kalibo. I was looking through promo rates of Cebu Pacific, PAL and was pleasantly surprised that ZestAir still services to Caticlan. During that time, CebuPac and PAL have already updated their arrival destinations to remove Caticlan, while yours haven’t.

I gathered I was in the impression that the advisory was applicable to diverted flights from Caticlan to Kalibo prior to the advisory. However, I CAN still book to Caticlan, giving me an impression that Zestair has limited but still available flights to Caticlan. Taking convenience into consideration, I chose Zestair over other airlines since I really wanted a direct flight to Caticlan. Please see screen cap of my eticket for your review.

  

I shortened my trip from Nov 14 to Nov 12, and was informed that my flight is non rebookable and non refundable. I was advised to book a new one way flight on Nov 12 since it was non rebookable. However, upon booking, I noticed that the return flight from Caticlan to Manila was no longer available. At the time of inquiry, flights from Manila to Caticlan still is available as an option but not the flight back. I made a call to customer service and was able to talk to Christine regarding the flight back to Manila. Only then did I know that Zestair was no longer servicing Caticlan, yet the website still contains booking to Caticlan!

This is very confusing to your customers and I would have made entirely new plans had I known that Caticlan is never an option in your website. Had I known that Zestair wasn’t servicing Caticlan, I could have booked in another airline or destination. Nevertheless, I have already made reservations for accommodations at this time.  

For now, I have 2 options I’d like to suggest:

• Allow me to refund whatever costs I incurred due to misinformation so I can book to another airline - this will be my last transaction with the airline considering I’ll be at a loss as well as promo rates at other airlines are no longer applicable.
• Allow me to pursue my plans - I’m willing to compromise on the Kalibo arrival - granted that I be allowed to rebook my flight to Nov 12 to compensate for any stress and confusion this transaction may have incurred.

  

I hope to hear from your office soon so I can update my plans as soon as I can. I’m hoping for your consideration on the 2ndoption which I believe is a win-win scenario for both parties.

Thank you,

Christian 

Aug 31, 2009 - I followed up and they are on holiday. So far, I haven't received an email or any acknowledgment from the manager Ms. Meg, which i believe is the polite thing to do.

UPDATE:

Sept 1, 2009 - I called ZestAir to follow up on my request. The customer service agent asked my record locator and I had to explain myself all over again. It seems they don't keep track of the background of the complaint and I have to explain myself whenever I call. Since the status is still pending, and no updates were available at this time, I decided to go on with life and booked with another airline. I informed ZestAir that I'm going for option 1 and will ask for a refund of my flight booking.

Sept 2, 2009 - After 7 days since the email request was sent, and a day after I asked to have my flight refunded, I received a call from ZestAir that I have the option to rebook my return flight WITH penalties and rebooking fees. I told them that it's no longer an option as I need to make a decision regarding my plans. They'll try to get back to me. I'm starting to doubt.